


The promise I never got to keep

by LoudCowboyLand



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I hope I made u feel something lmao, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Oops, Oops again, Sorry Not Sorry, The Author is Sleep Deprived, a hopeful ending, attempt at fluff, bone marrow cancer, but - Freeform, idk i just wanted to write some angst, idk its a kinda bittersweet ending, might be triggering for some people??, multiple myeloma, no happy ending, the author has commitment issues and has never been in a relationship and its SHOWS, these two really love each other but faith said "no <3", this willl not be a happy ride, yeah oikawa has cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27783817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudCowboyLand/pseuds/LoudCowboyLand
Summary: "You always liked looking at the stars."In which Hajime makes a promise and Tooru falls ill.The journey of Oikawa and Iwaizumi when they have to deal with Oikawa's illness.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 16





	The promise I never got to keep

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Violet Evergarden and the soundtrack got me in my feels so I decided to write some Iwaoi angst
> 
> English isn't my first language so sorry for my mistakes

Hajime looked down at Tooru. He rolled his eyes. “You’re such an idiot, Shittykawa,” Hajime offered his hand for the other boy to take.

The eight year old brunet had somehow managed to fall from a tree and now he had a big cut on his leg.

“So mean, Iwa-chan!” Tooru whined as he wiped the nearly dried tears off his face.

“When are you going to stop hurting yourself like this? It’s so much work for me. So annoying,” Hajime frowned and helped his best friend up.

“It wasn’t my fault! I swear that branch pushed me off!”

“Shittykawa, it’s a tree. Trees don’t move on their own. You’re just clumsy.”

Tooru pouted at that.

“Tsch, if you won’t stop doing this I’ll have to marry you, you know. You wouldn’t survive a day without me,” he rolled his eyes again.

Tooru grinned stupidly wide. “That would be a dream come true, Iwa-chan.”

“Shut it.”

-

Tooru didn’t know when it had started to get bad. At first, the constant fogginess in his mind was seemingly normal. I mean, he was quite sleep deprived and constantly training. He was turning seventeen when the symptoms started.

And when the fatigue and weakness first started kicking in, Tooru ignored it.

Slowly he started feeling constantly nauseous and his appetite disappeared completely.

There were more bruises on his body than he could count. The ache in his bonesbecame a part of his life. Forcing himself to eat was a daily struggle.

Tooru saw the looks his mother gave him. She started watching him more closely during mealtimes. Started taking him to a nutritionist. Tooru was getting weaker. His muscles were frail now. His mother was quite sure that her son was battling an eating disorder.

Then she forced Tooru to the doctor. The boy didn’t really take in what was happening during the visit. The nurse in the room took his blood test and then a doctor asked him some questions. His BMI had dropped quite drastically. At some point Tooru gave up on trying to explain how he didn’t have an eating disorder.

When the blood test came back, the doctor's demeanor changed. From that point on, everything was a blur. The doctor explained it all; how his life would change drastically from now on and how they still needed to test a few other things. How he needed to quit volleyball.

-

Tooru was sitting on Hajime’s bed. He stared at the floor. He wouldn’t have thought that telling the news to his best friend would be so hard. Now here he was, fighting against the tears. Tooru pulled his knees to his chest. Hajime’s knuckles were turning white from the way he had squeezed his hands into fists. 

Tooru didn’t notice when the first tears fell. He didn’t notice when Hajime wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t notice when his best friend’s own eyes started to water. Tooru was sobbing into the other’s shoulder, wetting his shirt. Silent tears made their way down Hajime's cheeks, down to his chin where they dropped into Tooru’s hair. 

Tooru couldn’t breathe properly. His world was crumbling down. This was never supposed to happen. He was supposed to make it to nationals. He was supposed to climb to the top.

He shouldn’t be crying his eyes out right now. He was supposed to be training. How could life be so unfair? He had worked so, so hard. Had it all been for nothing?

-

Multiple myeloma: a cancer that forms in a type of white blood cell called a plasma cell.

It was very rare for a person under 30 to get multiple myeloma. What were the odds that Tooru was one of the very few people that had to go through it?

The symptoms were more aggressive in patients under 30.

The patients with stage three multiple myeloma were given a 29 month life expectancy on average. 

The disease wasn’t curable. 

How unlucky can a person get?

-

Tooru couldn't pinpoint when exactly his feelings for Hajime had changed. Maybe it was when Hajime had held him after a nightmare. Maybe it was when Hajime had brought him milk bread while Tooru was sick. Maybe it was when Hajime had helped him injury after injury. Or maybe it was when they had first met. Maybe Tooru had fallen for Hajime time after time when he saw one of his rare smiles (Hajime's smiles were crooked and always looked mischievous), and when he had shown his affection towards Tooru in his own way. Hajime didn't express his love verbally. It was all subtle touches and acts of service whenever Tooru needed it. Hajime may tease Tooru a lot but at the end of the day he was always there for his best friend.

But at some point in time Tooru had fallen for Hajime. 

And then Tooru realized how deeply he was in love with his best friend. His heart would do a not so little jump every time he saw the other. Hajime was his light in the darkness.

-

Chemotherapy was starting to take its toll on Tooru. His hair was falling out in clumps and he had never felt so weak in his life. 

His former teammates looked at him in pity. Tooru hated it. He hated the empathetic looks people gave him. He hated the way people treated him like he would break at any second. 

But it was now his reality. He would be graduating in five months. People wouldn't remember him as the best captain of the volleyball team. They would only remember him as the boy who got cancer. They would know the story of how the Grand King fell from his glory. That angered Tooru to the core. He wanted to be known for his abilities, not for a stupid illness that would end up killing him.

He and Hajime were spending even more time together now. Tooru enjoyed the butterflies in his stomach each time Hajime laughed with him. 

-

"The situation is looking way better than I thought."

Tooru's head snapped up at the doctor's words. He listened closely as the man explained the way his disease was progressing. It had stopped almost completely. The chemo was working. 

Things were looking up again. He was truly getting better.

-

His feelings for Hajime became impossible to ignore. The way his world lit up each time the other was with him. Tooru hadn't realized how badly in love he was with the other before. 

They were sitting on a hill close to a park they used to play in when they were little kids. The sky was so clear. The two fo them could see every star that decorated the pitch black sky. The sky was so close but so far away at the same time. There was no chance in hell that the Earth had the only living organisms in the whole wide universe. People never really understood why Tooru was so set on believing that aliens did exist. But when he was sitting there, counting the stars with the love of his life, he couldn't understand how people didn't believe in aliens. 

Tooru explained his thought process to Hajime. Hajime chuckled at the other's eagerness to prove his point. There was absolutely no use in arguing with Tooru when it came to aliens.

And as they were sitting there, Tooru made the mistake of accidentally looking at his friend. The lights from the sky had lit up the other's face, highlighting everything Tooru loved about it. The pretty curve of Hajime's nose, the slight sparkle in his eyes and the shadows his eyebrows created. The way his lips were curved upwards in the slightest way possible. And suddenly hot tears blurred his vision. All of the things he loved about Hajime weren't his to admire. Hajime wasn't his and he wasn't Hajime's. Not in the way Tooru wanted them to be.

"Oikawa? Are you hurting? Do you need to get home?" worry had filled Hajime's voice.

A broken sob escaped from Tooru's throat. How pathetic. Tooru wrapped his arms around himself in a poor attempt to give himself some comfort. He curled into himself, crying, not even bothering to wipe the tears away.

"Tooru."

Tooru finally lifted his eyes at the use of his first name. Hajime looked at him with such care and worry.

"Iwa-chan I- I'm scared"

"I know, but you'll be okay, alright?"

"No Iwa-chan, I just- I don't," he had to gather his thoughts before continuing: "I can't lose you."

"Oikawa I'm not going anywhere," he sounded a little confused. "I-"

Tooru cut him off: "Iwa, I- I need to say something, and I can't have you hating me but I- I've always loved you, Hajime. Not just as my best friend but I want _more_... I want to be your lover."

"Wha- Oikawa, I-"

"I know. Don't say anything. Just, just please don't hate me," Tooru took a deep breath. Finally admitting his feelings felt good. But it also made it so much harder to breathe, Tooru felt like he was drowning. Tears slipped from behind his now closed eyelids.

Suddenly he felt something on his lips. Chapped lips against his own. And a warm hand against his cheek. And the lips were pressed even harder now against his own. And then the kiss ended, as quickly as it had begun. 

Tooru's eyes shot open. There was Hajime, just inches away from his face. He had a small smile on his lips.

"I could never hate you, Tooru."

Hajime didn't have to say the words back. The way the boy hugged Tooru gave him all the confirmation he needed.

-

They would be graduating in two days. 

The couple was lying on Tooru's bed. Tooru was playing with Hajime's spiky hair. He loved the contrast of the inky black against his pale fingers. Playing with someone's hair was a comforting thing, since Tooru didn't have any hair of his own at the moment.

Tooru was humming quietly a song that he had heard form the radio that day.

"You know, when we were eight I once said that I would have to marry you since you wouldn't be able to survive a day without me," Hajime chuckled. "I was only half joking back then."

Tooru smiled and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

"And when I said that it would be a dream come true, no lies were told."

That made the tips of Hajime's ears turn red and the slightest amount of pink was dusted onto his cheeks.

"I will marry you one day, you idiot."

"Is that a promise?"

After thinking for a few seconds, Hajime answered: "Yes."

-

Tooru had to visit the doctors regularly. It was still a part of his routine even if the illness seemed to be under control for now. His hair had grown back in the two years since he had stopped chemotherapy, even though it was still quite short.

This time his visit was slightly different. Now he had a beautiful silver ring on his left ring finger.

He felt happy, hopeful. Everything had been going smoothly for the past two years.

The fatigue and nausea were bound to come back.

-

"I- I don't understand. I- I thought everything was going well?" Tooru felt suddenly weak. He was supposed to be better. Why would this happen again?

"Mister Oikawa, multiple myeloma is quite unstable and you have known since the beginning that the chances of relapsing were very high. Your body is no longer responding to the same medication you have used. I'm afraid we won't be able to treat it properly this time."

-

His body was rejecting the medication. Tooru felt weaker every passing day. He was still in university, wanting to keep the last bits of stability in his life: his schoolwork and Hajime. Everything else could be ruined in the blink of an eye. 

His skin was now extremely pale and ghastly. His hair was thinning again and his bones were screaming. The pain was much worse this time.

He had just gotten up after a long lecture when the terrible feeling washed over him. Tooru felt his legs give out. The darkness surrounded him.

-

Tooru woke up in a white hospital room. A nurse was staring at him, but quickly ran off after seeing him awake, most probably she would be getting a doctor.

A tall woman in a long white coat stepped into the room, Hajime walking a few steps behind her. Tooru was glad to see his fiancé again. Hajime sat on an ugly plastic chair that was positioned right next to Tooru's bed. He grabbed the brunet's hand and kissed his knuckles. Tooru offered him a small smile in return.

Tooru's condition was getting bad. The doctor proceeded to voice all of Tooru's concerns. The illness wasn't going anywhere this time. 

It would be fatal. Tooru had accepted his fate a long time ago, but it didn't make this any easier.

-

He had been kept in the same hospital room for a few weeks now. The doctors were trying their best but Tooru knew they wouldn't be able to save him anymore.

Multiple myeloma: a type of cancer, that has no cure and ends up being fatal sooner or later.

Hajime spent all of his days at the hospital whenever he wasn't at school or working his part time job at a local cafe. Tooru could see the pain in Hajime's eyes every time he saw the other. The brunet was so weak and sickly looking. There was absolutely no hiding the fact that he was dying.

The first snow of the year had fallen. Tooru spent most of his days by the window. He liked seeing life outside. Patients who were well enough to be outside were taking walks with the nurses, some of the sickly kids were playing together. It made him happy, knowing that other people had more hope than him. But at the same time it made him incredibly jealous, those people had time. They had the time to love, they had the time to experience everything Tooru couldn't. It hurt. But it was his faith and Tooru had accepted it.

-

Tooru’s fingertips felt numb and all of his strength had left his body. His eyelids felt heavy. The bed under him was inredibly soft; just the way he likes it.

He felt drowsy and his body was cold and heavy. He was holding onto life with the very last bits of his strength. He wanted to let go. He wanted to fall to the other side of the border. Tooru wanted to finally be free of the pain.

The room was quiet. The only sounds came from Tooru and Hajime's breathing and the heart monitor by Tooru's bed.

The ground outside was now covered with a blanket of white snow. The sun had set about an hour ago. The tears that Hajime had tried to hold in finally fell. Tooru lifted his hand to wipe them away.

"It's okay, Hajime."

"Tooru I- I need you to know something," the brunet hummed, acknowledging the other. "I love you more than anything so I-," Hajime's voice was shaking. "I'm letting you go now."

Tooru squeezed Hajime's hand.

-  
The snow muffled the man's steps, as he passed all the other gravestones. He stopped and squatted down to put his hand on top of the cold stone. The man lit a candle, his hands clumsy and shaking from the cold. He put it down and watched silently for a few minutes at the halo the flame had created.

"You always liked looking at the stars."

Hajime lifted his gaze towards the dark sky. Thousands of stars decorated the otherwise pitch black emptiness. 

"You would loom at the sky and then you would start rambling about how it's not possible that we are the only living creatures in the entire universe. And I would laugh at you. And then I would watch as your eyes lit up with the most beautiful sparkles when you talked about your passion. And I would fall in love with you a thousand times harder each time."

A single tear made it's way Hajime's cheek. And the first genuine smile in the past three years made its way onto Hajime's lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo how did I do?   
> Constructive criticism is very much appreciated (:


End file.
